Never underestimate the stupidity of boys in large groups, and by that I mean two brothers. Chase, 19, and Porter, 17, are not dumb kids. You might even call them smart and talented, until they go outside, and then it becomes obvious why I pray for them every morning, every night, and often in-between.

A couple of weeks ago they were four-wheeling with a small group at a friend’s cabin just outside Park City, when everybody’s eyes snagged on the property’s private zipline. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I’m personally keen on ziplines and whitewater rafting, and pleased to see my kids follow suit. However, after Chase got his first motorcycle, I became truly tiresome repeating the mantra, “All The Gear All The Time!” and in general really thought I had imparted the critical importance of using the proper equipment. Sadly, the zipline harness was not to be found, but not to worry, they came up with a rope and a piece of wood. What could go wrong?

With each run down the line, they did something they called “improving the process.” Chase claims he remembers calling the last incarnation “a death trap,” but apparently Porter didn’t hear and ended the run on his back, one foot swinging free, and the other straight up in the air, still trapped in the slip noose that had been rigged as a foothold. He returned home with a limp, but rejoicing that he had just missed falling into the patch of nettles sprawling under the line.

On toward evening, they put away their rope and their stick and headed for home. Unfortunately, they were caught in a hard mountain rainstorm, their little car surrounded by big trucks going way too fast for the weather. Chase saw the danger and drove carefully, but couldn’t avoid the sudden pool in the road that sent them hydroplaning at 50 mph. Luckily the angels were there, and Chase regained control before causing a pileup. Later, Chase said, “I was legitimately nervous,” which is Chase speak for EEEEK, although that noise may have come from me.

Normally boy + water = joy, and possibly a little mayhem, water on the road being an unfortunate exception. There is a reason we have a thousand stories concerning pirates of the seven seas, while poor old Robin Hood appears to be the only pirate of the forest. Read More