America has just come through a rather sticky election, and now that it’s over I’m going to publicly admit I was fairly revolted by both candidates, and cast my vote with a heavy heart. But cast it I did, and now it is time to move forward and make the best of whatever comes next. At the end of the day, God is in charge, and he has always had rather more going on under his hair than any president, king, or dictator ever has, which is why I have been talking to God about the virus, rather than venting my spleen at Washington D.C.

Every afternoon I get on my phone to look at the latest covid numbers, watching them become increasingly distressing as cases in the United States, and specifically Utah, spiral wildly out of control. It’s not as though I think national and local governments are stupidly helpless and should stand around scratching their backsides while God handles the crisis. Far from it!! I am extremely clear on the importance of wise leadership, good example, and organized boots on the ground, but each afternoon when I’m reading the day’s numbers I’m not thinking about the state or national conversation. I am thinking of my children, my siblings and their families, my dad, my stepmom, my grandma, my aunts, uncles, and cousins, my dear friends, and my students. The circle I want to protect is hundreds of people deep, scattered across cities, states, and countries, all in harm’s way. It’s easy to feel discouraged.

Utah has had a bad week with daily covid cases in the thousands. The governor’s office is saying it is being spread in homes and small gatherings, and that’s likely true, but I can’t help noticing that cases began the quiet climb to critical mass after school started. It really wasn’t all that chilly in Utah until recently, so people were not confined in their homes by the weather. However, they were more confined by a school schedule, one where students walk in crowded halls and social distance only when a teacher breaks up the party. Some young kids do become visibly or even seriously ill with covid, but many catch it without ever showing any signs. After school they head home where more obvious spread happens in family or small gatherings.

At my school there is only a handful of known cases, but one teacher has been hospitalized, and is currently struggling with recovery. Personally, I have no inkling how my body would react to covid. I’m generally healthy, but I’m not thin, and my immune system has been through the ringer with cancer and several years of obscenely high stress. I could get away with a mild cold, or I could die, there’s no way to predict. As a teacher it’s impossible to stay six feet from my students, in fact when I’m talking to a student one-on-one, I often have to lean in closer than normal to hear them through their mask. Going to work is a little like playing Russian roulette.